A bear and a rabbit meet each other in the forrest.
The bear asks the rabbit: "Does your poo stick after you take a dump?"
The rabbit says: "No. I'm always squeaky clean."
The bear continuous to grab the rabbit and wipes his butt.

I was out tenting this weekend, and I think the bears in the Norwegian forests are using other stuff to wipe em self. As it was toiletpaper almost all over the place, near the main hiking trails.

I skipped the rabbit:
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A man decides one day that it is time to proof his masculinity.
And what better way to do that, than to kill a bear?

So he grabs his Glock, walks to the forest and starts looking.
Several hours later he finally sees a bear. Yahoo!
He sneaks up close, very silent, makes sure the wind can’t carry his scent.
He aims, shoots, shoots again. Those were good hits!

But…the bear turns around, seemingly unharmed. He spots the man, runs for him, pulls his pants down and takes the man from behind.

15 minutes later the bear walks away and the man tries to stand on his feet. He can’t.
He crawls back to town, in shock and full of rage.

Two days later, when he can stand on his feet again, although wobbly, he drags himself to the gun store. “I want an elephant gun!”. There was some debating, but he walked out with the gun.
He walks to the forest and starts searching for the bear. “I’ll have my revenge!”.

After many hours he finally sees a bear, and yes, it is the same bear!
He aims, shoots, shoots, and keeps on shooting until he runs out of ammo. With every bullet hitting the bear’s body, he sees the bear being knocked back a little. “That will teach him!”.

But…the bear stays on his feet, walks to the man, pulls his pants down and takes him from behind.

Half an hour later the bear leaves. The man passes out.
It’s dark when he comes around again. He sees the faint lights of town and drags his body in that direction.

Five days later he has regained enough strength to go to the gun store. “I need an RPG!”.
He was told to go away with such a bad request, but also got a note slipped: “Meet me at the back in 10 minutes”. He goes there and buys the RPG from the boot of a car.
Armed and determined he goes back to the forest.

It doesn’t take long until he sees the same bear again. He grabs his RPG, aims, and shoots a big hole in the belly of the bear.

But…the bear shakes it off, walks to the man and pulls his pants down.
When he starts taking the man from behind, the bear says:
“You don’t come here to hunt, huh?”.

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup,
and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better!” he boasted.

“I’ve got a 23 year old bride who’s pregnant,
and having my child! What do you think about that?”

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said,
“Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter.
He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry,
and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.”

The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods,
and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him!
He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear,
and squeezed the handle.”

“And do you know what happened?”the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied “No.”

The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!”

“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man.
“Someone else must have shot that bear.”

“That’s kind of what I’m getting at…”
replied the doctor.